iSuck

I will be the first to admit that I love my iphone more than any object I’ve ever owned, as well as the majority of my friends and family. Despite its massive leaps in convenience however, it does include one massive flaw: whenever my phone is processing data near a live receiver, it causes the speaker to emit a high-pitched staccato moan; an electronic series of beeps and blips that is somehow caused by the mere proximity of the phone, whether or not it is plugged in to anything.A mysterious modern phenomenon to say the least. I can’t come close to understanding it, and I would like to dismiss it as the proverbial “Ghost in the Machine” if it weren’t so damned inconvenient. Whether I’m practicing with my band, running the sound booth for a show or just sitting by the phone at work, that irritating sound follows me wherever I go! It both terrifies and fascinates me.
Finally, last night, while watching the leaked 3rd installment of a certain popular horror movie franchise, it finally dawned on me what the sound is: it’s the Grudge, singing through T-Pain’s vocoder.
That’s right folks, when technology advances too quickly, as in the case of a phone with high-speed internet or a microphone THAT SINGS FOR YOU, an evil curse is born (FYI: Hip-Hop artist T-Pain has made his name using a vocoder that modulates his singing to be on pitch, a technique that is being rapidly adopted by tone-deaf rappers nationwide). Until we can learn to live within the limitations of tech and talent, the curse will live on, irritating all those it comes in contact with…to the point of madness.