Category: video

Perhaps this should have been lesson one…we kind of thought it was implied. Anyway we’ve gone ahead and proven it with a scientific comparison of male versus female motivations.

Again, you’re welcome.

We all know that men are biologically destined to spend 70% of their waking hours thinking about sex. When a man spends 80% of that time in one location, like an office, he will most likely try to have some sex there. We say go for it.

However by dipping your pen in the company ink, you leave yourself at the mercy of feminine predators who will use your daily availability and low self-esteem to ensnare you in a relationship and effectively neuter you. In order to avoid this entrapment, you must master an active state of denial and refuse to acknowledge the affair. The key to shitting where you eat is to go right back and eat there again, grinning bravely as if the food wasn’t covered in the shit of your sexual conquest.

In this next scene, Ed and Sarah hooked up on Saturday night at a company party. After an awkward courtship revolving mostly around Ed’s inability to remember Sarah’s name, they consummated their attraction in a race-car bed belonging to the Development Director’s small child.

Watch how Ed deftly avoids feminine entrapment as he unflinchingly interacts with his shit-smeared co-worker on Monday morning.

Most men are familiar with the dangerous effect that women, or at least their body parts, can have on a man’s judgment. Most times all this will cost you is a few drinks or an unfulfilling marriage, but in the delicate world of office politics it may result in an increased workload or even the loss of your position. It is vital that you stand your ground and at least present the illusion that you are not ruled by your sexual desire.

The first step in empowering yourself is identifying the subtle sexual innuendos that permeate any inter-gender conversation. Some call this “Sexual Harassment.” We at OMFG call it “Deliberately Inappropriate Communication,” D-I-C or DIC.

Did you know that most cases of dissatisfaction in the workplace can be traced back to bad DIC? It is difficult for men to sense when they are receiving DIC, since giving good DIC is often the key to a man’s own social empowerment. The key to DIC mastery is to understand when the DIC is in your favor and when the DIC will hurt you. And if a man loses control of his DIC in front of a women, the results can be messy. Watch in this next scene how Mandi uses Andy’s DIC against him.

Poor Andy. Looks like he’ll have to spend some time alone working on his DIC before trying it again on Mandi. She knows that when she controls the DIC, she controls the office.

The following instructional video will explain the OMFG logo at the top of this page, and hopefully teach other genders a little bit about a primary component of inter-male communication.  Please treat this information with the utmost discretion.

Women thrive on male attention like sexy zombies. Whether or not to pay them this attention is one of the few bargaining chips men have when dealing with women. A man only has a finite amount of energy to expend pretending to be interested in what women are saying, and it is vital that he reserve this energy for potential sexual conquests. One of the greatest crimes a woman can commit against mankind is to deliberately draw male attention by presenting the illusion of availability while their obligation to an unrevealed boyfriend makes them completely incapable of putting their vagina where their mouth is. The following video is intended to educate females in the avoidance of this very frustrating activity.