I would like to take a moment to bring something very disturbing to your attention.
I recently received an e-mail from a Mr. Kurtis Cash. The subject read simply “Hi” while the body of the e-mail contained an oblique web address followed by the simple bold words:
GET BIGGER PENIS
Was it advice? A suggestion? A command? An offer? A to-do list? All I can say for sure is that I receive dozens, if not hundreds of e-mails to this same effect every single day. Intrigued, I decided to follow up on this one. What I found shocked and apalled me.
The Web address above linked to an advertisement for a product called “MaxGain+” which is an herbal supplement purported to increase the size of a man’s penis. We at OMFG have come up with a theory: “MaxGain+” and other products like it have secretly been developed and marketed by other genders in the hopes of lowering the self esteem of men around the globe, thereby making them weaker and easier to oppress. Consider these examples from the “MaxGain+” website.
How would you feel being just an average guy for your lady? With the advance in science penis enlargement is now possible without expensive surgery, pumps or hanging weights.
#1: HANGING WEIGHTS, WTF?!? That is unacceptable. That trumps Japanese foot binding in terms of horrific beautification techniques. No man should be made to feel so insecure that he would put himself through that.
#2: Note how the add disparages being average, placing men in direct competition with each other, vying for the approval of women.
In the image to the left, the science behind penis enlargement is finally explained to all of our satisfaction.
Here’s another example, from the section of the add entitled:
“Psychological Benefits of a Bigger Penis.”
Women don’t care a lot what a man says, since most men have little to say that interests a woman. But they pay strict attention to the subtle signs in a man’s attitude. Women think: “If he looks confident, then there must be something about him that makes him so confident. This could be interesting”. A big penis is your ticket to that show of confidence that is not an act or a sham, but the real thing.
#1: Finally, the acknowledgment that women are just as shallow as men. An insight into the brutal mechanics of the female mind, so incisive that it was clearly written by someone of another gender.
#2: All confidence is an act. You’re acting like you are better than you are. By linking this act to a concrete physical trait, women restrict men from evolving beyond their natural limitations.
I know there are members of other genders who will say “look at all the aggressive weight loss programs and plastic surgery out there. We women know what it’s like to be made to feel inferior for something beyond our control.”
Not like this you don’t.
The penis is tied to the male sense of identity in a way that no one of another gender could ever truly understand. It is a man’s sexual mouthpiece, and since sex is arguably the entire point of male existence, what a man’s penis says about him is understandably very important to him. By using the instantaneous daily marketing blitz of the internet, other genders or able to assault men on a regular basis with broken sentences like “Get Bigger Penis,” “Penis to Small,” “Make More Penis Less $$,” “Big Penis=Big Happy” and “Hey Asshole, You’re Penis is Too Small.”
It is the goal of “MaxGain+” and companies like it to gradually pick away at the fragile sense of male security, attacking us where we are most vulnerable: our gigantic, horrifically huge penises.
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