A thought about investment

It has come to my attention that many of my friends in their early 20s lead relatively nomadic lives, refusing to invest too much time or energy into anything outside of themselves. At this age most people haven’t started families, they don’t really have careers to speak of, they don’t have enough time or money to donate it to charity and they’re all to damn good looking to care about anybody but themselves anyway. The exceptions to the rule are:
The Religious, who invest out of fear in the possibilities of what will happen to them after they die.
The Hippies, who invest out of love in the possibilities of what will happen to the planet after they die.
The Romantics, who invest in other people.
Of these three types, the last one makes the most sense to me. After all, who wouldn’t want to pour their time and money into a machine that makes you orgasm and then tells you how wonderful you are? The positive results are so immediate, unlike the first two types of investment, which are like long-term mutual funds that may or may not eventually pay off. It is only natural that a relationship would be the first serious investment made by any young person. However, we here at OMFG must urge you to invest wisely, and determine that you are in fact getting out more than you put in. We call this a Bull Market, and it is the only way to avoid terminal frustration with any of the other genders you may welcome into your life.