Remember during the women’s right’s movement of the 1960s, when burning bras was a defiant statement against a male dominated society? Now, in this era of reverse sexism, I suggest a similar protest for the oppressed men of the world: firebombing gyms.
For men, going to the gym is entirely about pleasing women. Some people will tell you that there are other health-related concerns. These people are idiots and liars. A quick look at the magazine “Men’s Health” confirms this theory, as anyone who has read it can tell you that it’s essentially “Maxim” with workout tips. In modern society, sex and fitness are horrifically linked.
In the past, physical labor was necessary to improve one’s quality of life. However these days it is completely possible to travel from birth to death without picking up anything heavier than a telephone. Physical exertion is only a path to accessing other genders. It is the belief of OMFG that women secretly created gyms in order to keep mankind in the perpetual condition of working to please them, and furthermore that they have deployed several overly muscled individuals in each gym keep us feeling constantly inadequate.
It is with this in mind that we urge you to burn your gym membership, tear into a bag of cheez-its and revel in your manly glory. We can only achieve success through unity, for we are our own competition. If all men stopped working out at once, do you really think everyone would stop getting laid? Doubtful. It’s time to forcibly lower feminine standards like a halter-top on a drunken co-ed, and you don’t want to be the well-toned scab that ruins everything for the rest of us. Few things in life are more terrifying than a legion of flabby, sexually frustrated men, panting and stumbling their way towards social equality.