I recently received a letter from a concerned OMFG member; a perplexing response to my tirade against “MaxGain” Male Enhancement Pills:
Dear sir or madam
my name is [name withheld] i am working for Ministry of Education as an database developer in Afghanistan. my penis is smaller than others I want to buy the penis enlargement pills how can i get it.
thanks for your order which is published on your website.
My response is as follows:
Dear Penis Smaller Than Others,
I’m sorry to say that you, along with many other proud men of our generation, have fallen victim to the swarm of enhancement advertisements that assault our self esteem every day. While I’m sure the Afghani Ministry of Education must be a minefield of massive members, the key is to not let insidious subject lines give you the impression that you need some sort of herbal supplement to be more of a man. You’re a flower PSTO, and do you judge the beauty of a flower based on the size of it’s petals? No.
I urge you and all those who feel they are living in the helmet-shaped shadow of “others” to resist the subliminal social control of your spam filters. Below is a small sampling of actual subject lines from enhancement product e-mail ads scraped from my inbox. I am publishing them here to raise awareness of this other-gendered brainwashing, which tries to sell you something you don’t need through shame and intimidation.
The Backhanded:
Erase the memories of your bed failures
Enlarging your tool means enlarging your manhood in general
Make her forget her ex in one night
A man’s member determines his destiny
The Poetic:
She begged for more
From tiny to humongous
No pain, yes gain!
Rock her so hard tonight
Power pack a punch in your pants
The Inspirational:
Your pants will be in order all the time.
No problem with pounding her
Hump like crazy all night
Get a pole the hulk will be proud of
The Adorably Dyslexic:
Betetr sex in 10 Minutees
The Secret rAt off Lovemaking
The Unashamed Non-Sequiturs:
Clowns raped cops
Gaaay Episcopalians
My Favorite – The Warning:
Here’s How to Make a Girl Beg Yrou For sex – Do Not Be Surprised If She Demaands sex Immediately