I have recently come into possession of about 50 Steven King movies. In an effort to feel productive as I lie on my couch, watching them one by one, feeling the prime of my life slip away, I am taking the liberty of reviewing my findings here for your education, saving you the valuable time and brain cells it would take to absorb them all yourself. You can thank me later, since if you are reading this it is highly likely that I know you personally.
(Note: since most of these aren’t worth seeing if you have a life, I will be SPOILING THEM ALL).
The Mangler: I was drawn to this title because “The Mangler” to me implies a serial killer, and a gruesome one at that; the kind that escapes from mental asylums and leaves hooks on the car door handles of young lovers. Therefore I was shocked to learn that the Mangler, in this case, refers to a WASHING MACHING.
Yes indeed, a large industrial laundry machine like the one pictured here. I read in his biography that Steven King used to work in an industrial laundry before he became a bazillionaire, so this story was no doubt an idle workplace fantasy that he dreamed up based on the things around him, much like I often daydream that the letter opener at my desk is the Sword of Power and will transform me into He-Man if properly invoked.
The problems with this movie are twofold:
One: It stars Ted Levine, who you probably know as Buffalo Bill from “The Silence of the Lambs.” As that character, he talked in a kind of affected drawl that sounds like a cross between Forest Gump and Jeff Bridges with a loose filling. When I saw “Silence…” I thought it was a nice character choice for the creepy villian. After seeing “The Mangler” I now realize that no, that’s just the way he talks. It kind of starts to grate on you when he plays the lead.
The other small problem with the movie is that the villain is a WASHING MACHINE. It is incapable of movement and therefore cannot even chase you as fast as a re-animated corpse or a lumbering serial killer. Therefore, as the body count rises, it becomes increasingly difficult to believe that people keep standing so close to it. Most of the deaths on the latter half of the movie play out much like this:
Hapless New England Factory Worker: “This machine just mangled that old lady!”
Evil One-Eyed Employer: “Which machine?”
Hapless New England Factory Worker: (pointing to it) “Why this one right here…OH MY GOD! IT’S GOT MY POINTIN’ HAND! I’M A GONNER FOR SURE!”
It’s amusing, but makes distractingly little sense, and needless to say that an object lesson in workplace safety was not what I was looking for when I threw in “The Mangler.” I was looking for the sociopath with the hook for a hand who, even if he’s too crazy to sprint after the escaping teens, will at least chase them at a brisk stroll.