That was the front page headline in the paper today. News-flash: we are a narcissistic culture. The article turned out to be one of those irritatingly deceptive book reviews disguised as actual news: a series of interesting claims are capped off with the modifier “…says the book” and instantly I’ve gone from reading a well-researched news article to a half-assed summary, much like a fascinating story that devalues itself with the ending, “…and then I woke up.”
Shitty newspapers aside, I did a little research into the book itself when I got to work. It’s called “The Narcissism Epidemic,” and you can read all about it here (I especially recommend the blog and the FAQs on the “About” page).
The long and the short of the author’s claim is that narcissism is over-running our country, and that the long term effects will be severely detrimental. I agrees with this theory (which I call the first sign of the Apocalypse), though I disagree with some of the author’s reasoning as to the fundamental causes. She places a great deal of the blame on parents who tell their children that they are special and unique, and suggests the following as a way of combatting narcism.
1. Instead of teaching [children] “You have to love yourself before you can love others,” teach them something much closer to the truth: If you love yourself too much, you won’t have enough love left for anyone else.
That’s bullshit, because love isn’t a finite quantity like a fucking gallon of milk and I think that teaching kids to ration their love is eventually going to produce a bunch of assholes.
Also, I believe that kids NEED to be told at a young age that they are special, unique and that they can be anything they want to if they set their mind to it. The simple reasoning is that, for better or for worse, in today’s world that’s how they need to behave in order to succeed. My parents did a pretty good job of reinforcing my uniqueness (being an only child helped), but I still feel that the socially conscious, Northwestern-hippie way in which I was raised left me ill-prepared for the cut-throat, self-promotional world of the entertainment industry. I’ve watched many opportunities float by me while I wait politely for others to discover my genius on their own. If you aspire to be an artist, an athlete, or have any other job that is commonly considered an American Dream, you become, in effect, your own product. Any salesman could tell you that you don’t pitch a product entirely honestly, or else you’d have Cambell’s comming out with adds like “This soup’s pretty good. But hey, it’s fuckin’ soup, right? There’s a lot of it out there.” No, they tell you they’ve got the best soup on the market. When chasing the America Dream, people must do the same with their own self worth. There are just too many people going for too few jobs (incidentally, the second sign of the Apocalypse), and a little narcissism goes a long way in properly pitching your product.
I can only imagine how terrifying it must be to be in high school right now. It’s always been bad, what with everybody’s egos abruptly developing at once, jockeying and re-jockeying for social status. But since Myspace, Facebook, Twitter and the reign of Reality Television, I imagine that the shit storm has been upgraded to a diarrhea hurricane. The author of “The Narcissism Epidemic” places some blame on these factors, but not nearly as much as I do. On the one hand we’ve got social networking, which is essentially a way of decorating your locker of trapper keeper for the entire world to see. Everybody remembers how brutal friend groups can be in high school. Now these groups have gone from abstract social systems to concrete groups online, that you can be quite clearly included in or excluded from with the click of a mouse. Self-promotion has become more than a way of achieving the American Dream…it’s necessary just to get through high school.
One the other hand we have Reality TV. It’s only natural that kids will emulate what they see on the screen. New York is overflowing with actors who grew up on sitcoms and soap operas and couldn’t conceive of doing anything else with their lives. That’s why I’m here, and that’s why I’m writing these words. The problem is that kids now are growing up on “Real Housewives…,” “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” and “For the Love of Ray J.” The ONLY trait exhibited in these shows, in fact the only trait that seems necessary to get a show like this, is extreme narcism. It has transformed from a byproduct of the fame achieved with great talent to the self-fulfilling reason for the fame’s existence. Of course kids will continue to imitate what they see, and what they see are people building successful careers on the backs of their massive egos.
We’re not going to be able to stop narcissism. As I said up top, it’s a sign of the Apocalypse and will continue to grow as our planet spirals slowly into the sun. It’s a necessary result of long-term capitalism, the glorification of wealth and the social networking entrepreneurs who ran out of things to sell and started selling each other.
I feel that the challenge lies not in blocking narcissism, but in encouraging empathy. Everybody talks about themselves. Everybody is listening to your story while mentally planning their own reply. I’ve never been able to fault anybody for self-interest, but I have absolutely no tolerance for those who’s self-interest precludes their interest in others. People are so fascinating, far more worthy of attention than anything else I’ve found in this world. Why would you limit your focus to just one person?
Narcissism is necessary for success in society.
Empathy is necessary in order to not be an asshole about it.
Be sure to catch a deeper exploration of narcissism and it’s relation to reality TV and zombies in my new show “TMZ TV,” written and directed by me and premiering next month at the UCB Theatre. Look for more promotion soon on kingjamie.net, the website all about me. Thanks for reading my thoughts on my blog, and your continued interest in my life.
Next week: irony.