Multi-tasking

I am incapable of pooping unless I am reading something. My bowels simply will not function unless my eyes are scanning some sort of text. It doesn’t matter what; I’ve been known to read the back of a toothpaste tube in order to relieve myself. Now of course thanks to the iphone I can be doing any number of things while perched on the porcelain throne, including posting this message.

Lemme back up. The point I’m making is that is that the conveniences of the modern lifestyle have produced some inconvenient habits. I doubt very much that cavemen agonized over how to keep themselves entertained while passing stool. We have reached a level of comfort that defies mother nature and reworks out bodies in strange ways.

Perhaps a more common and less disgusting example is eating and watching TV. Have you noticed how hard it is to eat without watching something? This is especially true of eating alone, but even when I’m with someone I have a powerful urge to tell them to shut up and chew. It’s like our brains need to reach a state of vegetative absorbtion in order for our bodies to absorb vegetebles (or cheez-its in my case).

This is probably a uniquely urban phenomenon, and my friends from the wilds of the west coast will read this and wonder “what’s he talking about? The other day I ate my lunch while I reflected on the beauty of a fallen leaf, and my bowel movements are moments of deep, pure meditation.”

Therefore we city-dwellers must be careful. Such excessive convenience comes with a price. We are re-wiring our bodies so that entertainment has gone from a luxury to a commodity to a necessity.